More Please! Weblog
More thoughts and experiences through Mai Vu’s eyesArchive for March, 2009
People Don’t Make Announcement for This….
This is kind of a weird subject to blog about. But I would love to try. Thank you for indulging me.
My husband came over today for a visit. We have been separated for the last four years. During our conversation, we decided that it is time to finalize the separation. He was the brave one to get the words out first. When those quiet words “I think it’s time we finalize our situation” came out, we looked at each other and cried. We cried for nearly two hours as random thoughts popped up about our marriage, our separation, our daughter, our learnings and discoveries, and our new current selves that we wanted to share with each other. Finally we blessed each other and this decision. And knew that it is for our highest goods.
So that’s the big announcement…
“Mai and Gary would like to inform you of our decision to divorce. After 17 years of heroic love, we decided that it is time to end this marriage contract, and to begin a new contract of being separated individuals who care and love each other deeply. We would like to celebrate our love as it shifted and changed over the years. Challenges and difficulties arose and passed, yet our love, patience, and loyalty for each other remain. We hope to have a beautiful celebration in the Fall when we finalize everything.”
As for me, I am leaking in the eyes all day. My stomach feels a little sickly and my appetite has shrunk to nothing. I am still reveling over a few thoughts…
1. Isn’t it amazing that two people who love each other this much, can’t live together. Like I have it collapsed in my head, that since we love each other so much, and have such capacity to be with each other, that we should be able to make this marriage work; and making it works mean to live with each other till death do us part. Who said one equals the other?
2. I told my Dad the news, and he had to make sense out of it by saying “Oh he’s probably ready to move on and get serious with someone else.” I had to say to him “no Dad, there is no bad guy here. I am in the court, I know what is going on, and it’s simply “it is time”. That’s all.” It just seems strange that there is no bad guy to blame. If there was, it might be easier to understand why this marriage is ending, perhaps.
3. I remember as a teen-ager, dreaming and preparing for marriage. I spent lots of time practicing what to say, where I would like it to happen, what to wear, etc…
I hadn’t spent any time practicing my dissolution conversation. So writing about this is very very strange. How does one talk about this event? Tonight when I go to have diner with my girlfriend, do I blurt out “Oh by the way, I have great news, ….” or do I put on a sad face and say “I have sad news”? How does one practice for such a thing?
Anyway, as I gently move through today and this completion phase, I ask for your love and support. I don’t really know in what format. I just didn’t want to be in the closet, by myself with it. It’s such a sweet, gentle, and complex thing that I get to experience. Some of you have done it. I would love your thoughts….
Craig Newmark–My Hero
I had such a good time meeting and listening to Craig Newmark speak last night. This event was brought to SF by Zocalo Public Square Lecture Series. I became a fan of Craig, when I saw a video of him on youTube and he was asked why he didn’t sell craigslist. His response was “I didn’t need that much money…” I stopped listening after that because I was too busy picking my jaw off the ground. I was determined to meet this man.
This is what I found out…
He is quirky, funny, humble, genuine, and thorough. His business title is “Customer Service” and he truly lives up to that title. His email address is craig@craigslist.com. Everyday he checks and responds to emails (complaints) from millions of his users. During the event, I twittered a comment about him “@craignewmark is funny, charming, and humble.” And true to his words, the next morning I got a response back from him “@aMAIzing Hey, thanks, that’s way too kind!”
The most memorable statement that he kept repeating for everything that he has accomplished up to this point was “It’s not for moral or altruistic reason, I just did what feels good and makes sense.” Craig is not loud, excited, or chest thumping. He is this humble, understated man who simply says “let’s do something about it” in every situation that he is in.
Finally, about the money thing… a woman asked him “how did you avoid the temptation of selling out?” He said “What’s the point in accummulating more money?” His stand around money, impresses me to no end.
So of course what does one do when one meets one’s hero??? One runs down to the reception area, pushes everyone out of the way, and gets a picture with the hero, of course!!! To my defense, Craig has a picture of himself with Obama as his profile pic for his Twitter account. I think he actually smiled in that picture.
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- With Craig Newmark @ Fort Mason, SF
Don’t I look happy in this picture???
Success Tip #8: What not to do at a networking meeting
Last night I dragged my lazy butt out of my comfortable house, took a one hour BART ride to San Francisco to go to Betsy Burroughs’ Focus Catalyst Salon to meet interesting people. I had a lovely time meeting Betsy. She provided so much value before I even got there. When I signed up for the meeting, she sent me her latest book on how to focus so I can be more productive. Of which I devoured on the train ride. This should be Success Tip #1: Always provide value at whatever it is that you do.
I think networking meetings are painful. And the number one reason why I think it is painful is because most people I meet there are just like me: “hungry, wanting to find a client or a lead, and are not interested in other people.” 
What makes it even more painful is when they come up to me and slam me with their energy. (Now I don’t do that, honestly)
So last night, I was there, careful to avoid slammers. I tucked myself peacefully in a corner, looking at the wall of postings that Betsy kindly put up (so I could hide in). Low and behold, this woman came up and asked me what I do. I looked at her, pondered a moment, thinking: “I bet she doesn’t care what it is that I do.” so I said “blah, blah..” didn’t get to the third blah. She slammed me with “Oh I have a business idea for YOU!!!” To which, I painfully replied “oh yea? what is it…” She proceeded to tell me about her and all that she did, in the most loud and piercing way possible. OY Vay!!!!
Before I could untangle myself out of that one, a man came up, with a book in his hand. I am sorry, I need to say with HIS book in his hand. Guess what he did? you guessed it. You have been in this situation before.
My point…
When you go to a networking meeting, please don’t bring your book, don’t even bring your card. Take the time to connect, just get to KNOW ONE person. Try to have one good meaningful conversation and make it about THEM (not about you). You might not get a lead, a client, or anything out of it, but you will stay in that person’s mind as someone really nice to know. Better yet, get their card. Then send them a thank you note for the nice conversation you had with them. It will go much further, than polluting them with what you do.
I did meet a nice woman, Christine Gonce. She is with Cooking Capsules. They are making a cool cooking application for the newest G Phone aka the Android. She was lovely. And I wish her the best of luck for her little start-up. She didn’t slam me. And she taught me to use Twitter. Thank you Christine!!! I made her the first person I follow on Twitter, Christine Gonce.
So Success Tip#8: Don’t slam people with your stuff at networking meetings, find out about them. Build the relationship. Better things will come out of it. Trust me.
